Sexy Teacher Show
It's almost time for me to go, so I am running on adrenaline and anxiety these days. I have managed to sort and trash most of my personal belongings, and once my buddies come and get what's coming to them, I'll be down to what's going to fit into my allotted two suitcases, a carry-on bag and a personal item. It's endlessly amazing to me and anyone who is moving the amount of stuff one can accumulate in a few years, and then the way you can compress it into your luggage when it's time to go.I'm still working until the end of the week, which means more sorting, packing, and cleaning in my classroom. We finally finished our kindergarten performance on the weekend. Honestly, while I don't put much stock in these elaborate song and dance routines we're forced to hold twice a year, this last one was probably the best. Everyone made a huge effort with props, sound, and lights and the kids were as adorable as ever.
I made the faux pas of showing up early wearing an outfit that I actually thought would be apropos for a kindergarten teacher at a Sunday afternoon kindergarten performance. My co-workers were having none of it, though. One by one, they showed up in tiny skirts and clingy shirts, until my own co-teacher told me to go home and put on a shirt like hers; she was wearing a tube top. I went home and put on a halter top that showed just a little cleavage and a slim khaki skirt and everyone thought that was much better. My bad--I thought it was a kindergarten event, not "The Sexy Teacher Show." You'd think that after five years I would know better. I found out that my co-teacher's brother-in-law calls her "Sexy Mommy Teacher" (la ma laoshi). I told her what a MILF was and she blushed.
tweens!
I just had a revelation today, and for once it was totally practical. I have been teaching the same buxiban class for two years, and now I am watching these perky little pre-pubescents descend in the disgruntled quagmires of adolescence. I used to praise them for being such a nice, diligent group of students, always prepared, always with their homework ready, and now when I ask them to turn in their assignments I get blank, impenetrable stares and shrugging shoulders. It's frustrating, to say the least, especially as I know my relationship with them is nearing its end. It doesn't help that the textbook we are using is a giant leap from the last one and must have been written in about five minutes without due editing. What group of twelve year-olds wants to read about writing resumes and conducting job searches online? My manager finally gave me a break today when I confessed I was at my wits end with them and out of ideas as to how to inspire them to take an interest in memorizing the extensive vocabulary lists (we apparently are not interested in any games that require us to get out of our seats or even take our eyes off our shoes). She told me just to drop the textbook for the rest of the semester and provide them with interesting course material for a conversation class.I still had forty-five minutes of class left when she decided to throw me this little bone, so I wandered back with ideas buzzing but none that wouldn't require more preparation than I could do in the three yards between the front office and my classroom. We got off to a slow start brainstorming things that they would be interested in studying: I am not doing an entire lesson on sleeping and/or Counter-Strike Online. I asked them to come up with some questions for each other, which they did, and that reminded me of some personality quizzes we used to give our friends when I was young. I asked them what they thought about being lost in the forest or their feelings about the ocean. These questions supposedly give some insight into how one feels about life and love. They were absolutely hooked.
It occurred to me that adolescence is in part so uncomfortable because that's when we are just forming our individual identities. Personality quizzes, horoscopes, and any form of fortune-telling are fascinating to 12 and 13 year-olds because they offer some easy answers to the important questions they are asking themselves about who they are and who they want to be. Within a few minutes, I had a roaring conversation going like we hadn't enjoyed in weeks and I had to remind them it was time to go home. After class, I searched online and found a few more potentially useful quizzes, and I am going to have to spend some time getting together material for a few lessons on the Western horoscope, but it looks good. I think I may have won them back!
Edward: Teacher, she say what?
Me: What?
Edward: Amy say what?
Me: Edward, that is not a question.
Edward: What did she say?
Me: Much better. Why don't you ask her?
Edward: Amy, you say what?
Me: AAAAAAAAAH!
the class i have
I got a really nice compliment from my co-teacher today. She said she liked working with me because I am organized. It was great to hear something good from her going into our third week of working together, but I am pretty sure that if she thinks I am organized she must be a little unstable herself. At the same time, however, I am pretty easily manipulated--if for some reason someone feels compelled to tell me that they like my shy demeanor or my dedication to hard work, I will totally throw myself into being shy or hardworking, though I am neither. It worked to my benefit in college when my first boss at the first coffee shop I worked at told me that she always knew when I had closed the store the night before because it was always impeccably clean in the morning. I don't know what she was smoking because I remember cutting every corner to get out of there as fast as possible every time, but I reveled in the affirmation so much that I altered my behavior and became an absolute tool at work. (Tool in the sense of ass, not in the sense of a useful implement that you would indeed want to have around at work.) So, honestly, I am hoping that I can manipulate my own immature desire to please others to keep my co-teacher happy and convinced I am organized by being organized and on top of my game. Don't see how that could make my job any harder. Sweet.Anyway, after laughing to myself I confessed to her that I liked working with her because I think she is the first co-teacher I have had that likes children. I have not had the misfortune of working with the really terrible women that hit children or tape their mouths shut, but I have been in classrooms where the children were regularly verbally abused and manipulated, and any objections I had were silenced; I was told that as a foreigner I couldn't understand the "Taiwanese way." When I moved over to my current school, I was able to breathe more freely and feel less ambivalent about my role as an English teacher. Not only do I fully share in the responsibility for my students' education and welfare, but the environment is very different. Bad behavior is reprimanded swiftly with a few terse words and maybe erasing a few stars off the whiteboard, but no one is standing in the corner for 45 minutes or being berated by a gaggle of Taiwanese women in a dark room. I did have the mixed fortune of teaching with a woman who was less than enthusiastic about teaching kindergartners for the first two years I was there, but she has moved on. My co-teacher now has two sons of her own and obviously loves being around little ones, the same way my mom comes home from a day at preschool and tells me how "neat" or "cool" her students are. Now I find myself being the hardass after four years of teaching with angry women, but I think after a few more weeks of my co-teacher's gentle influence I'll be able to relax again. Because really, it's more funny than annoying when Daniel is such an idiot that he got his chair stuck on his head or that Reginald spills pretty much anything you put on his bowl.
Quick profile, just for fun:
Ariel C. is very pretty in a regal, mature way. She always sits quietly, tries very hard to do what I ask, and casts sad sidelong glances at the other students when they shout or roll around on the floor. She's going to be a stellar student, but she's probably going to be a little conceited after a few weeks in this zoo.
Timmy is huge. He eats a lot, he's loud, and he whines when he doesn't get his way. He hasn't been above throwing himself on the floor in protest when I don't give him a pink pencil or I tell him to finish his work, which is difficult to deal with because he's just big. But he has obviously done some studying at home so he knows his stuff, and in the long run, he's going to do well.
Oscar is just adorable. I think he must have been born with a harelip, because there's some scarring on his face, but he walks around with a little teddy bear tucked under his arm and spends most of every morning crying and kissing a photo of him and his mom at the zoo. He'll do anything you ask, even if he's crying. He's just really sad that he can't stay at home with his mom.
Daniel is the class problem child, but also my manager's nephew, so we have to walk a narrow line. He's very bright, but wants constant attention, so there's a lot of random yelling and tantrums coming from his corner. I encourage him with lots of praise when he does anything resembling what I asked him to, but he responds to the laughter and mimicry of his classmates much better. It's going to be a long year with him.
Ben is my new little boyfriend. He knows I hate to see them crying so as soon as I walk in the door, he starts the waterworks and tells me he misses his mom, so I hug him and rub his back until he pulls himself together. I think he just likes getting a nice hug and some undivided attention for a few minutes every morning. He is a little bit lost when it comes to classwork, but he gets along with the other boys and he likes to play with race cars. He's going to be a good but unexceptional student.
Rory is adorable, except for his proclivity to roll around on the floor or lounge across the top of the tables. He's very smart and has obviously done some preparation at home, and he likes to dance and sing. He finishes any worksheet in about a tenth of the time it takes anyone else, then spends the rest of the time rolling on the floor in front of the whiteboard while I try to get Reginald to take his pencil out of his nose.
Ethan is secretly my favorite, but I am having trouble keeping lids on it. He's absolutely tiny, a little bird of a boy, and he carries himself like a very dignified old man who sometimes pees himself and has to ask for help. He finds it hilarious that I can understand some Chinese, but even funnier when I don't. This is cool because most of the other students are just disappointed. I'd much rather have him laugh.
Ariel L. spent the first few days throwing temper tantrums and screaming for her mom, but once she realized that wasn't winning her any friends, she calmed down. She's very hardworking and attentive, but she's so insecure that it's sad. She's competent and bright, but always asks us if she did a good job and if she doesn't think she understands something (and she always does understand), she'll start crying. We are going to have to be really careful with her and I hope her confidence will improve.
Alina is an angel, but she might get overlooked because she has no discernible personality faults or bad habits. She does her work quickly and quietly, she follows the example of the brightest students, and she likes to play with the other little girls. She probably has a very satisfying home life.
Eason has beautiful liquid black eyes and thick lips. He's a precious little boy who is going to be a very handsome man, and he already knows it. He was the first one to say hello to me and loves to roughhouse with the other boys.
Vivian is extremely independent. She stiffens her hands and arms and pulls away from me if I try to show her how to hold her pencil; she gets nearly violent if I try to open her water bottle for her. Unfortunately, she isn't as sharp as some of the other students, so I foresee a lot of erasing and redoing worksheets for her in the future as she blazes ahead without ever waiting for examples or instructions.
Emilie is probably the cutest little girl I have ever taught. She has thick long hair and round face full of baby fat, and a pair of pink plastic glasses to top it all off. She makes me wish all little fat Chinese kids had to wear glasses. She also has a very crisp way of speaking and tries to use her new English words and phrases whenever she can, which endears her to her English teacher very, very much.
Frank is a very handsome little boy with trendy long hair. He's all rough and tumble and likes to do everything his way. He's bright, though, and able to get things done without any extra help from me.
Rex is probably going to sell used cars when he gets older, but until then, he's a thin, lanky little boy who likes to sit by Catherine and helps her put on her shoes.
Leo is very quiet and very slow to get anything done. He's going to give me a headache, though he does try his best. He's just out in left field most of the time, staring at the clouds.
Catherine is pretty much incapable of doing anything for herself, and throws a temper tantrum whenever you make too many demands on her. This is pretty quickly remedied by threatening to send her to the classroom next door, which I am glad I discovered. The teachers in the classroom next door would probably just let her sulk in the corner, but I am glad she doesn't know this yet.
Nita is adorable, but extremely lazy. She'd rather lay on the floor and stare at the fan than do pretty much anything. She is the only one that isn't able to figure out which capital letters go with which lowercase letters yet, so I am a little worried about her.
Reginald has a disarming smile, in part because his top teeth are all black and rotten. He's cute, but he misses a lot of class, though his mom feigns an interest in his English ability after three weeks in school. If he doesn't make me crazy, I am afraid his mother will.
bye bye junior high
I worked a lot of 12 hour days last year, especially Thursdays and Fridays when I taught evening junior high classes on top of my afternoon buxiban classes and a full day of kindy. I was able to pawn off the Thursday class on the new teacher but I have had to teach the Friday night class for the past few weeks because there wasn't anyone else to do it. I bitched and moaned to my managers who told me I would be done as soon as they found a new teacher, and then didn't bother to look for a new teacher. I asked one of the buxiban teachers to do it and he was awesome enough to not only tentatively agree but also came me with at the last minute to meet my manager and sat through the entire two hour class with me and my students. He connected with them right away, and in minutes the girls were blushing and the boys were opening up more than they had done for me in a year. The energy in the class totally shifted, and I think it was a positive shift and that the students will be really happy to have him for a new teacher. I realized then that was important to me: I've been teaching some of these kids for two years and I want someone to take care of them.I had been pretty flippant about getting rid of the class. I want to have Friday evenings free for my French class, and I'm just really into doing things for myself at the moment, and not insanely sacrificing my time and energy to work and relationships when the return seems so minimal. But when I concluded the class and gave a few of the students hugs, they told me to wait a minute and presented me with a really beautiful card saying they would miss me and always remember me. They even gave me chocolates that they said would go well with coffee because they know I like coffee. If that wasn't thoughtful enough, when I went outside to disperse the little loiterers after class, George counted to three and in unison they all said, "We will miss you Teacher Rae. We want to follow in your footsteps." Wow, not only was I impressed with their grammar and their assimilation of an idiom we had studied in class, but I was overwhelmed by their sentiment. I immediately felt guilty for all my little temper tantrums about not doing their homework and not preparing for class, for making Simon cry when he cheated, for giving Monica so much grief every time she forgot her book, for teasing George about being grumpy, for teasing Arial about asking too many questions, for telling Alice she talks too much...their little hearts were still wide open. I gave them my cell phone number and as soon as I got home I was getting text messages about missing me and requests for my e-mail address. What beautiful little hearts. I will miss them, but I gotta do me, and I think my buddy will do a fine job teaching them. I wish them all the best of luck and if I see them around, I'll still buy them a milk tea.
On the GEC Test (done and done)
My kids took that test we've been stressing them out about today. Our boss finally changed his policies this year, and not only did he give us a peek at the test beforehand, he also let us stay in the room while the kids were taking it.It was downright arduous. The first student to start crying was a little girl who hasn't even been studing English for a year yet. Her parents wanted her to take it and they want to her to join the GEC class next year, but for her sake, I hope they are shocked into reality when they see her test. She couldn't even read the questions to answer them! One of my boys started crying, a sweet kid whose not the brightest, but his older brother is brilliant and his parents still haven't come to terms with the fact that their second son is adorable, kind, generous, fair, playful, and hard-working, but not always very quick on the academic uptake.
After a brief phonics section to test their phonics and listening skills, the kids had to read a few paragraphs in English and circle the correct answer to the following questions, and then answer 15 questions. Now remember, these are kindergarten-aged students studying English as their second language. Without a lot of effort on the part of parents and teachers back home, kindergarten students in the States aren't writing complete sentences to respond to a question, and certainly not 15 of them as merely one section of an exam that took most of them an hour to complete. Two of my favorites were:
"Where are you now?"
"No, I am not now."
(because it was thoroughly metaphysical)
and
"Who is your best friend?"
"Niffy is my bas fren."
(because it was thoroughly phonetic, paying no heed to the spelling of the words in the preceding question).
It was especially frustrating to me because while I think our kindergarten curriculum is intense and I think the kids learn so much from our teachers, activities, and texts, we do not actually have a text or a time slot in the schedule to teach them how to write the answers to these questions. In kindy, they are still trying to develop their conversation skills, both speaking and listening, and they are just starting to express themselves, independently and with some confidence, through writing. It was at least a little useless to spend the past few weeks trying to cram all sorts of grammar patterns into their heads to prepare them for a test we had never seen. There was also the additional snafu, caused by my own meddlesome co-teacher, of the format for the reading comprehension test. We were told that it would be multiple choice, but she came back with some inside track information that the kids were going to have to write sentences in response to the questions, which turned out not to be the case.
I just feel really bad for the amount of stress these 6 year-olds are feeling from their parents, the administration, and their own teachers. We blame the parents for the pressure, the parents blame the school system, and the kids just look at us with wide eyes, still so eager to please us all and unable to cope with disappointing us.
On Educating Kids
Since I posted my last blog, I have been thinking about how differently kids are educated back home than here. I know I've mentioned it here before, but I can give 5- and 6-year-old Taiwanese students reproducibles intended for first- and second-graders back home. When I look up lesson plans for my science class online, kindergarten lesson plans usually involve reading a book, a little dramatic play, and maybe a craft. That's all well and good, but I need to be sending home worksheets with vocabulary words and matching pictures.Kids here start all-day kindergarten as early as 3-years-old. I think it's too young, but the fact is that they are pretty fluent in English by the time they "graduate" from my kindergarten at six. Taiwanese kids work very hard all their young lives and are constantly preparing for the next big exam. My junior high school students have no lives by American standards. They don't really ever go out with their friends; they are always complaining about their homework and their tests at school. I feel bad for them, but what are they missing out on? Trips to the mall? Drinking on the sly? Soccer practice? It's not that it's not important to be well-rounded, because it is. But to be successful, an individual has to work hard, and a country has to push its citizens to work hard. How long do you think America will remain a global force when its high school students are more concerned about their 16th birthday parties than doing well on the SATs (which aren't even all that rigorous for educated students). We won't be pushed from the top of the hill so much as we will slide to the bottom so we can go home and watch Lost.
One thing that really, really still bothers me about the education and life experience of Taiwanese students, however, is how infrequently they get close to nature. It's actually pretty ridiculous. My kids squeal and howl when I tell them to take off their shoes and walk in the grass. It's gross and dirty at first, and then it becomes absolutely hilarious and strange. Now, I know just how grass tickles the bottom of your feet, and its a small pleasure to experience, but for these kids who are told explicitly never to desire that sensation because it's dirty and dangerous, grass between your toes is sublime. We took them to the goat farm, and I had to bribe them with candy to pat the goats on the head; even the Chinese teachers were squealing and running away when our host brought out a...fluffy bunny rabbit. My boss tries to console me--there are natural places in the world to escape to for holidays outside the big city, but I think that's even more, pardon me, fucked. The natural world is what we were created to inhabit; it is a serious perversion to think the natural world is where we should go when we want to have a deviant life experience.
I'm glad I got to teach before I ever--if I ever--have my own kids. I definitely think Americans are too relaxed about education, especially for the citizens of a supposed democracy, which requires an educated citizenry. I think Taiwanese parents are right to be demanding of their kids, but education is not, excuse the cliche, education is not only what you learn in school and a well-rounded adult should have a variety of life experiences under his or her proverbial belt.
P.S. Alright, I can't post this in good conscience without a postscript, because I know lots of people already have unhelpful stereotypes about Asians, such as they only sit in school memorizing things by rote, they're uncreative, they're really good at math. Many Taiwanese people do enjoy getting out into the mountains, even if their mountain trails are generally paved paths and have lots, I mean lots, of stairs. A lot of people ride bicycles here and I once waded through a cold stream with a Taiwanese family. It's just that it shouldn't take an hour to drive out to nature, and once you get there, there shouldn't be 700 hundred other families all doing the same thing. But I guess that makes me a spoiled American, yet again, because we have the space back home to get lost in the woods, and I guess this tiny island wouldn't. Okay, suffice it to say I am going to read my kids to be literate equestrians or something like that, in case you were wondering. I think kids should be educated to be capable adults, they should be playful and have the freedom to romp in nature and they should also be taught to be hard-working and productive. That's it. I'm done. That's all I'm saying about that anymore.
On the GEC Test
My littlest students are going to take a test next week to determine whether or not they are eligible for the most intense English course offered at my school--GEC. I don't teach a GEC class myself, so I am not intimate with the curriculum, but I hear from the other teachers who do that the students use about a dozen textbooks and workbooks. They learn not only English, but social studies and science (in English) for four hours a day after their normal Chinese elementary school studies. The parents are notoriously picky. In fact, a student's GEC test score might not determine anything if a parent is particularly demanding and makes an especial nuisance of themselves in the school office. At the end of the day, cram schools are businesses, and if the customer demands a service, they will get what they are willing to pay for, whether or not it is in their child's best interest.My babies, after three years of a pretty rigorous kindergarten program wherein they have studied phonics grammar, reading, writing, math, science, computers, drama, physical education, art, and just about everything else under the sun are now facing the daunting task of excelling on this test. For the past few weeks, we have been trying to drill into their 6-year-old heads "the first letter of a sentence is big;" "period at the end of the sentence;" "he/she/it verb+s;" "use a past tense verb to answer did-questions;" "there is, no there have;" and myriad other grammar minutiae.
The GEC kids do speak excellent English. Their comprehension is frighteningly high, especially after dealing with cram school students who have only had the privilege of native-speaking teachers for a four or five hours a week with very low expectations. GEC kids are very fluent in English, but at seven years-old, they are doing double-shifts everyday in school. I have a little sister of a GEC student in my class and she is always telling me new words that her sister has taught her or taught her how to spell. I thought it was pretty cool that the two little girls were practicing English at home until my boss pointed out that these kids have been in school almost all day since they were three years-old; the only game they know how to play is school. I guess spending eight hours a day in school and then going home and learning how to spell Christmas or what extremely means is a little neurotic.
This test is driving the teachers up the wall. As Westerners, we lament our Taiwanese students seeming lack of a childhood. We regret their parents' demands and wish we could shield them from their expectations. For two weeks now, the students have been explaining to me that GEC class is for smart students and not-smart students have to go to PK class and Mommy and Daddy told them they have to go to GEC, so they have to do well on the test. When they tell you this, you smile and tousle the hair of the smart kids; you exchange looks with your co-teacher and hug the slower students. Before they even hit elementary school, some of these kids are going to be disappointments to their exacting parents. We do what we can; we try to guess what's on the real test and make up practice tests for them. They're answering questions in every different tense, wading through complicated reading comprehension stories, spelling out phonics words, matching pictures to vocabulary. All the while, you are telling them they have to be quiet, they have to be fast, they have to be neat, they have to remember all the rules of punctuation and grammar. You encourage them, scold them, frighten them, bribe them, plead with them. You forget what you actually think is important to a happy childhood and a satisfying life, because these are the questions we are faced with everyday, and instead you go native, you teach them that they have to do well, that Mom and Dad and all their teachers and friends want to be proud of them for their self-discipline and high test scores.
On Funny Things My Students Say and Do
A while ago, I shared a few choice words from my kindergarteners. I forgot my absolute favorite, which spilled forth from the lips of the graceful little Minnie in a conversation with Kelly, the Rosie O'Donnell of Taiwanese kindergarten students.Kelly: Minnie is so beautiful! I want to marry with her!
Minnie: (hands on hips!) Kelly, you cannot marry with me. Don't you know, a girl is marry with a girl, the baby will be twins!
Also, for your viewing pleasure, look what happens when you tell the kids to write something on each page of the 2008 calendar they are making.
5-Minute Blog
The first bell is ringing so I've only got five minutes to write this and get to class. Funny how some habits never change, even though now I'm the tardy teacher, not the student.Some funny things my kids have said/done lately:
Me: What's a foreigner, guys?
Student One: A foreigner has boots and a hat...
Student Two: A foreigner has cows and sheep...
Me: #$%&#? (to myself...)
(Students turn to the Chinese teacher to translate)
Me: No, not a farmer! A foreigner!
Note: A "spicy girl" is a hot, sexy chick here.
I added some hot sauce to my noodles.
Kelly and Minnie: Oooh, Miss Rae, you is a spaghetti girl.
Others: Oooh, Miss Rae is a spaghetti girl...
Me: #$%&?
Minnie: Miss Rae, like you say this girl is so pretty.
Me: Not a spaghetti girl! A spicy girl! What?!
Me: You're hair looks nice today, Minnie.
Minnie: I didn't come here give you see (=show you) my hair.
And that was the bell.